How to Get Over a Broken Heart: The First Thing You Must Do

I can still remember the worst break up I ever went through; actually, the event changed me forever. Twenty years later, after changing the whole trajectory of my life, I can honestly say it was one of the most positive learning experiences I ever encountered. I learned I could survive devastation. I fould I could survive having my heart broken and my life turned upside-down. I also learned a lot of practical life skills that serve me well today.

So, even if you’re feeling like you can’t get through another hour or day without feeling miserable, I’d like to discuss some important steps you can take right now to make your healing faster and less painful.

The first step is feeling better. This is your first priority. For now, forget about him or her, the relationship, the issues, who did or said what, and focus on you. You want to feel better. You want to get up in the morning and feel like yourself again.

To achieve this, you have to create physical and emotional space between you and your ex. Unless you have children involved in the mix, you must break off all contact. The worst thing that can happen is you finally start feeling better about and you run into him/her and have to start the healing process all over again.

During the last of a series of breakups with the same partner, I decided to do things differently. I finally understood that my life was never going to change for the better until I was over this relationship. I thought about the preceding years and what had transpired to break us up and get us back together. I started to see a pattern. I was constantly vulnerable because I never actually committed myself to healing and remaining separate. I thought I was doing great and something would always happen. I’d get a late night phone call or a knock at my door when I wasn’t expecting it. Each time, it would make me doubt myself, my choices, and my resolve.

The last time we split, I changed my phone number and stopped going to every single place I used to go with my ex. There were restaurants, bars, laundromats, parties, and entire neighborhoods I removed from my life. I had to change the way I interacted with mutual friends. It certainly wasn’t easy, but it worked. In fact, I felt like myself in a much shorter amount of time.

The strategy I'm alluding to is the zero contact rule. It means just that. Even if you're thinking you can be friends with your ex, you loathe your ex, or you're secretly hoping you'll get back together someday, if you're looking to get your head on straight--break off all contact.

I created a safe, new environment for myself. When my lease ran out, I moved to another end of town. I made new friends and staked out a whole new group of places to spend my free time. Just like adults go around baby-proofing their homes to keep their children safe, I ex-proofed my life.
This commitment to myself and my healing process produced fantastic results. Today, I run into my ex and feel surprised I ever got involved.

In conclusion, you can't be passive about your own healing and expect postive results. You must commit to the process and take every step you can to ensure success. Feeling better and restoring balance after a break up is just the beginning. Use this time now to take good care of yourself. There’s a rich, abundant life out there waiting for you.