What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you see the term reverse psychology? Do you think about opposites or the absence of
logic?
You’re on the right track; furthermore, associations like deception, manipulation, or game playing probably begin coming to
mind. Now, before you hit the back button on your browser, relax for a moment because this article is not about deception or manipulation.
Manipulative tactics can actually ruin your chances for reconnecting with an ex.
Making connections, defining attraction, or predicting
relationship dynamics often run counter to logic.
For example, logic would dictate that the way to get your ex back would be to tell
them you are interested, shower them with attention, and beg for forgiveness; unfortunately, this doesn’t seem to work very well.
To
illustrate in another way, let’s look at some examples of practical wisdom from other arenas and examine the logic involved. Here
are three common bits of advice you’ve probably already heard:
1. The best time to land a new job is while you still have one.
2. Everyone wants what they can’t have.
3. Opposites attract.
Without
a lot of study or deliberation, most of us would agree that these statements are both true and illogical.
Regarding number 1, logic
would hold that a person would be far more motivated to find a job when they needed one. In addition, one would think that employers
would frown upon someone being disloyal to their company by looking for a better job while still employed.
In reality, the employed
person seems less desperate and more desirable to the new employer. Employers also respond positively to the fact that the person
is currently employed, and therefore must have some worthy attributes. If someone else took the risk to hire them, they will feel
better about it themselves.
Number two is highly illogical. Why would anyone expend a significant amount of energy trying to reach
the impossible? Take a look at the masses of people who travel hundreds of miles to try out for American Idol; 95 percent of them
can’t even match pitch. Look at what Americans spend on the lottery or at the casinos. The odds against winning are astronomical.
Regarding number 3, opposites shouldn’t attract; however, they often do. Instead of being drawn to people with similar values, interests,
and lifestyles, we’re often inexplicably drawn to our opposite. How many nice girls do you know that are addicted to the bad boy archetype?
How many responsible, faithful women get caught up over and over with men who lie and cheat?
We are strangely-wired creatures; our
relationship buttons do not conform to logic. So, if you’re thinking about getting back with your ex, instead of chasing after them
or making yourself too available, do the reverse: play it cool, retreat for a while, and take care of yourself.