Want to Heal Faster After a Break Up? The Questions You Must Ask...

As you’re feeling your way through a bitter breakup, you might think there’s only one way to get through it. You’ve listened to all kinds of advice, and you may have gone through this type of event before. For a moment, consider that you might not need to be miserable.

Platitudes like time heals all wounds, and that which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, can set us up for disaster. Who really thinks time heals all wounds? And worse, how much time is it going to take? You can choose to indulge in more empowering thoughts. Sometimes, shifting your thoughts into new directions is enough to get you on the road to recovery. Feeling better in any possible way is the goal.
Maybe it’s time to ask yourself some new questions…

What makes you think another person can ever make you happy?

Almost everybody remembers Tom Cruise’s line from the movie Jerry Maguire. To win Renee Zellweiger’s character’s heart, all he has to say is “you complete me.” It works fine in the movies, but it’s a disaster in real life. If we’re expecting someone else to make us happy, we’re doomed to be miserable. Only you can make yourself happy. This leads us to the next important question.

Isn’t making your happiness dependent on another person giving away all your power?

Think about it. It’s a pretty bad idea to put the quality of your existence in the hands of another person. It’s giving them too much power. The same holds true for relationships. Making your happiness dependent on a relationship is another dangerous proposition. While we’re back on the subject of the breakup, think about this question:

It’s not really the break up making you feeling bad, is it?

Can you see how the thoughts you’re having about the breakup are the real reason you’re feeling miserable.

Now, ask yourself, what would happen if you chose not to indulge in sad, helpless thoughts?
Take some time and write down the first few answers that come to you. Spend some time thinking about possible solutions.

And finally, here’s the most important question:

Could it be that you’ve been whitewashing the truth of the relationship?

Remember, you broke up for real reasons. What good does it do you to pretend that the relationship was better than it was. Get real with yourself. Allowing yourself to admit the truth that the relationship was problematic is an important step toward recovery. This one step can help you stop obsessing about blame. There were real, practical, and valid reasons why you split. You’re probably in the best place for now.